Limericks

Jul 29, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Dayton, Ohio, on September 28. And be sure to check out the new podcast from our friends Paula Poundstone and Adam Felber right here. On this week's show, rejoice, slobs, it's a messy desk that may be a sign of genius. And Dana Carvey teaches Paula how to impersonate President Obama.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

CAROLINE RIBET: Hi, this is Caroline calling from Providence, R.I.

SAGAL: Oh, how are things in Providence?

RIBET: They're rainy.

SAGAL: And that really all there is to say about Providence, I guess.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Caroline, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of them. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

RIBET: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: My brother, who's out in Schenectady, is never a pain in the neck to me. So of course, he gets tipped to hang out while I'm snipped. I invited him to my...

RIBET: Can you repeat that again? Sorry, I'm too star-struck.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's all right. It's all right. We all are a little bit around Bill. I've only gotten over it recently, so go ahead.

KURTIS: My brother, who's out in Schenectady, is never a pain in the neck to me. So of course, he gets tipped to hang out while I'm snipped. I invited him to my...

RIBET: Yeah, I don't know. My - I - really, education has done good things for me.

SAGAL: All right, well, it rhymes with Schenectady, and what else does? And also, the word snipped is probably useful.

MO ROCCA: And all the men onstage are going ouch.

(LAUGHTER)

RIBET: I got nothing.

SAGAL: All right.

RIBET: I'm...

SAGAL: It's all right.

RIBET: I'm too nervous.

SAGAL: It's vasectomy. Move over, fantasy football, there's a new way for middle-aged men to get together and sublimate their homoerotic feelings, vasectomy parties. And they're called - seriously - brosectomies allow men to get neutered with their bros in a comfortable setting.

ADAM FELBER: Why?

SAGAL: Instead of a sterile doctor's office, leather recliners are set up in a wood-paneled room with drinks and TVs.

FELBER: Why?

ROCCA: And do you - are you doing it to each other?

SAGAL: I don't think so.

KURTIS: No.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: So it's fun to have a doctor come over and everybody drops their pants and gets a vasectomy?

SAGAL: Presumably. It's like a bachelor party, only instead of a stripper, you get a lap dance from a urologist.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: While cremated bodies are just ash, my surrealist corpse is robust trash. Yes, Salvador is svelte, and my watches, they melt. But time hasn't withered my...

RIBET: By...

SAGAL: Well, I'll give you a hint. It's a thing that rhymes with just ash.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: (Laughter).

(LAUGHTER)

RIBET: Mustache.

SAGAL: Yes.

ROBERTS: Yay.

ROCCA: Oh, my God. You got it. That's amazing.

(CHEERING)

RIBET: Oh, my gosh.

SAGAL: This week, officials exhumed the body of Salvador Dali to settle a paternity suit. And they were surprised and delighted to find that, something like 30 years after his death, the artist's mustache was fully preserved. The whole thing was totally surreal.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One man at the scene told The New York Times, it's a miracle. Salvador Dali is forever. The rest of Dali, however, was more like later-period Picasso. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The worm in this Mezcal is gnarly. Its face is all twisted and snarly. So my gin-making art uses retro bike parts. It is flavored with bolts from my...

RIBET: Harley.

KURTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Harley, yes.

FELBER: Yeah.

SAGAL: Very good.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: That's good, Caroline.

SAGAL: Now for sale in Germany, gin-flavored with vintage motorcycle parts. It's like Mezcal. But instead of a worm, there's a flathead camshaft. The bottles cost over $1,000 each, but a third of the proceeds go toward medical research into what happens if you drink it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So on the one hand, it's obviously an expensive boutique liquor. On the other hand, it's a clear marker that you have hit bottom. Hello, my name is Chuck S., and I'll always remember the day I found myself drunk, licking a piston.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Caroline do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Caroline settled down. She got two right.

RIBET: (Laughter).

KURTIS: Two out of 3 - good girl.

SAGAL: You flew straight. Congratulations, Caroline. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

RIBET: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Thank you. Thanks for being with us.

(SOUNDBITE OF SNOOP DOGG SONG, "GIN AND JUICE") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.