Limericks

Jul 22, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Dayton, Ohio, on September 28. Also, while she's here, we want to tell you that our own Paula Poundstone has a new podcast of her own called Live From The Poundstone Institute, where she doesn't have me to push around.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Find it wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME!

MARY SAVILLE: Hi, this is Mary.

SAGAL: Hi, Mary. Where are you calling from?

MARY SAVILLE: I'm calling from Tampa, Fla.

SAGAL: Oh, I've been to Tampa many times. It is a lovely place. What do you do there?

MARY SAVILLE: I teach little kids science and engineering.

POUNDSTONE: I love that.

SAGAL: That is great.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So tell me how you get the kids interested in science and engineering.

MARY SAVILLE: I show them robots. They do coding, and we have fun.

SAGAL: Do you, like, teach them, like, how to make killer robots that will take over the world?

MARY SAVILLE: No, but it's interesting. It doesn't matter what culture students are from, the boys want to blow things up.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: Yeah, my boys used to chew their toast into the shape of a gun and then shoot at each other.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Mary. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Ready to play?

MARY SAVILLE: OK. Yes, ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: On the pop star detail midnight shift, the suitcase is heavy to lift. She does what she can to avoid nosey fans. In this case, we sneak out Taylor...

MARY SAVILLE: Swift.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Taylor Swift.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: After two men were seen carrying a large shipping crate out of Taylor Swift building in New York, people assumed that, of course, naturally, that she had folded herself into the crate to avoid the paparazzi. Quote, "Taylor Swift reportedly carried out of her apartment in a massive suitcase." Of course, this story was retracted after a rep for Taylor Swift said this was not the case. If nothing else, this is a good reminder to check the tag on your bag when you pick it up at the airport, as many bags do look alike. And you don't want to get home, open it up to get your clothes and it's Taylor Swift.

ADAM BURKE: Yeah. Didn't she have that...

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Yeah - or looking for Taylor Swift and you end up with Willie Nelson.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: That's terrible.

BURKE: Didn't she have that song "We Are Never Ever Getting Packed Together"?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, yeah.

BODETT: That's all right.

SAGAL: You're doing your best to be asked back soon, aren't you?

BURKE: Yeah, yeah. Sorry. It's my - the only song of hers I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's really good.

POUNDSTONE: What's the name of the song?

BURKE: It's was supposed to be "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together."

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

BURKE: And I changed...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Mary, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: As I'm going through my podcast feed, I find I have more than I need. Since I'm playing catch-up, I hurry the batch up. I listen at twice normal...

MARY SAVILLE: Speed.

SAGAL: Speed - that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This is the latest thing in podcasting. There are so many of them. It's called chipmunk speed. You can listen to your podcasts, via some apps, up to five times faster than normal speech.

POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: It's a great way to power through multiple episodes, but there is a cost. A regular speed, say, episode of S-Town is a gripping, gothic look at life in a small Southern town. But at chipmunk speed, it's a quirky story about a Smurf who gets his nipples pierced.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And here - this is true. The guy who kind of came up with chipmunk speed - he invented it, or he popularized it, when he was listening to some - a podcast about, like, deep breathing exercises and meditation, and he got impatient.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And he wanted to slow down and breathe deeply faster.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME! is available on podcast, isn't it?

SAGAL: It is. Many people are listening to us right now as a podcast.

POUNDSTONE: So they could just breeze through the chipmunk version. Thanks for having me, Peter. I lose.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: See, that is now inaudible.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

BURKE: Yeah, right.

BODETT: Now only dogs can hear that.

BURKE: Yeah, right.

POUNDSTONE: (Imitating analog fast-forwarding).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: We harvest a gastropod trail. Our escargot cream will not fail. Our lotion fills in all the lines in your skin. It is made from the slime of a...

MARY SAVILLE: Snail.

SAGAL: A snail, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: You are good.

SAGAL: Snail slime...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Is this year's hottest and grossest cosmetic sensation. If it's hard to imagine rubbing a snail's goo on your cheeks, just imagine you're eating escargot, but you miss a little bit up and to the left. Goodbye, crow's feet. Hello, hungry crows attracted by the smell of snails.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This crazy new beauty trend started in South Korea. But it won't be long before Gwyneth Paltrow insists the key to a better love life is to shove steamed snails in your pants.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Mary do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Mary rode snails to victory. Good going.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Mary. Hold on.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And thanks for that important work.

(SOUNDBITE OF DAN HICKS AND HIS HOT LICKS' "SURE BEATS ME") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.