Limericks

Apr 8, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

HEATHER NUCKOLS: Hi, this is Heather. I'm calling from Greensboro, N.C.

SAGAL: Oh, I know Greensboro. That's a nice place to be.

(APPLAUSE)

NUCKOLS: Thank you.

SAGAL: What do you do there in Greensboro?

NUCKOLS: I actually just moved here. I haven't been here two weeks even, yet.

SAGAL: Oh, really? Wow.

NUCKOLS: Yeah, I moved from Asheville, N.C., another great place.

SAGAL: Oh, Asheville's one of my - Asheville's one of my favorite places.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: What made you move?

NUCKOLS: Well, it wasn't Asheville. Asheville's wonderful. You know, job, typical stuff.

SAGAL: Yeah...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. But I thought - but he asked you what you did and you said you did - you were only there for two weeks as if you didn't do anything yet. So what job could make you move and then not employ you?

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: I'm sorry about this, but something set Paula off a little earlier.

(LAUGHTER)

NUCKOLS: Well...

BODDEN: She's kind of in a mood.

SAGAL: Don't ask her what it was.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Now, that reminds me. I have a question for you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Heather, welcome to our show.

NUCKOLS: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

POUNDSTONE: Heather, call me later.

(LAUGHTER)

NUCKOLS: Will do.

SAGAL: If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

NUCKOLS: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Lying down's going to fill me with dread. There's no rising for using the head. Sixty days of the same, shoulder touching the frame. For my job I'll spend two months in...

NUCKOLS: Bed.

SAGAL: Yes, bed. Very good.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Scientists studying the effects of microgravity on the human body need research subjects willing to do nothing but spend two months in bed. It's the perfect job if you're curious about space travel or getting over a breakup.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You do literally everything in bed - eat, bathe, go to the bathroom, host your hit podcast, "The Bed Radio Hour." All right, very good. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Our weather makes Mexico proud. When there's thunder, we gather a crowd. Forty-six percent rain that goes straight to your brain. It's tequila that comes from a...

NUCKOLS: Oh, boy.

SAGAL: Oh, boy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There was thunder. There was rain.

NUCKOLS: Oh, a cloud.

KURTIS: A cloud.

SAGAL: A cloud, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The Mexican Tourism Board has come up with a new way to attract visitors. It's raining tequila. No, that is not a terrible new Jimmy Buffett song. It is a meteorological miracle. It works by vaporizing tequila in a special box. The condensation gathers into a tequila cloud that creates a breathtaking tequila mist, which is a terrible new Jimmy Buffett song.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: Does it just fall on you?

SAGAL: You sort of - you step into a box, apparently.

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: You stand there and you go, ah, tequila.

BODETT: I mean, you could get that same effect with, like, Bactine, couldn't you?

SAGAL: I guess so.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: But aren't you supposed to put it in your mouth?

BODETT: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: I mean, what good does...

BODDEN: Yeah, what part of drinking it didn't work?

SAGAL: (Laughter) I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: She can't walk. It's about how she feels. Still the Internet clamors and squeals. Her cute baby pumps are taking some lumps, but I'm dressing my baby in...

NUCKOLS: Heels.

SAGAL: Yes, heels.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: These are called pee wee pumps. They're soft shoes with stuffed heels.

POUNDSTONE: It's so disgusting.

SAGAL: They come in a variety of ready-for-the-club prints like leopard and zebra skin.

UNIDENTIFIED CROWD: Oh.

SAGAL: Think of them as Manolo Wah-niks (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: It's just so - you know, I - at the airport this morning a lady walked by me in, like, tight pants. And she was elderly. She wasn't young. She walked by in these very tight pants. And she had heels and a cane.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: And I just thought...

BODETT: Maybe the cane was too long. Maybe it was, like, her husband's cane.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Heather do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Good job, Heather, you won.

NUCKOLS: Oh, good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Heather. Good luck in Greensboro.

NUCKOLS: Thank you. Thank you.

SAGAL: Take care. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.