Limericks

Mar 25, 2017
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PETER GROSZ: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Salt Lake City on May 11. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

RUTH LEVINTON: Hi.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hello.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

LEVINTON: Hello.

SAGAL: How are you?

LEVINTON: I'm very good, thank you. I'm Ruth Levinton from Johnstown, N.Y., the birthplace of Elizabeth Cady Stanton.

SAGAL: Oh, really?

POUNDSTONE: There you go.

SAGAL: Famous, famous suffragette.

GROSZ: F.

LEVINTON: Yes.

SAGAL: Yeah. Yeah. What do you - what do you there in that historic place?

LEVINTON: Everybody likes her there, right? I have a computer consulting company.

SAGAL: Oh, I see.

LEVINTON: Small computer consulting company.

SAGAL: Well, that's nice. Do you enjoy living there?

LEVINTON: Yes. We're also at the foothills of the beautiful Adirondack Mountains.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Sounds awesome.

POUNDSTONE: Big support for the Adirondacks here in Texas.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

LEVINTON: We have a lot of water, a lot of nice lakes.

SAGAL: There you go.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, well, don't hold on to that. Remember the EPA.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Ruth, welcome to the show.

LEVINTON: Thank you very much.

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

LEVINTON: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: By cute little puffballs I'm smitten. I've been mewed at and scratched at and bitten. A mere whiff of that fur and I, too, start to purr, so I'll spray on the scent of a...

LEVINTON: Kitten.

SAGAL: Yes, kitten scent.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Kitten it is. Good for you, Ruth.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The Demeter fragrance company has introduced their new kitten fur perfume. It's perfect for the woman who always wanted to be chased by wolves.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The scent is described as a mix between a newborn baby and a freshly baked loaf of bread. That explains why the company's next perfume is called Baby Sandwich.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: How do they know it smells like a kitten? Have they tested this on other cats?

SAGAL: I have no idea. I have not myself smelled it, nor do I know what a kitten smells like versus what a cat smells like.

GROSZ: Cats smell like pee.

SAGAL: Is there a difference?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Cat pee. And kittens smell like hot ladies, I guess.

POUNDSTONE: No, kittens smell great. Yeah, they do. They have a nice smell. I've used this perfume.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: And what I've found was that...

GROSZ: You're beguiling, Paula.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: After just one or two spritzes I chased a pen all over the floor.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I can't get any work done.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Never mind the little light, the little laser light thing.

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Now you're making me crazy.

SAGAL: Here, Ruth, is your next limerick.

LEVINTON: OK.

KURTIS: Michaelangelo's works do their part. David's glutes make me eager to start. I do crunches till fainting around Rubens' paintings. I am doing my workout with...

LEVINTON: Art.

SAGAL: Art, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

LEVINTON: Oh, good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now the place that makes you feel dumb will also make you feel out of shape. The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City is hosting a museum tour and workout mash-up skillfully titled The Museum Workout. Participants go on a aerobic walking tour of the museum. They air punch, they squat next to civilization's most treasured artifacts.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The workout leaves participants feeling extra smug by allowing them to visit a museum and work out all in one day. Oh, my brain and my abs are so sore.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Aren't you going to ask me why?

POUNDSTONE: I was at the Metropolitan Museum one time. And I did post a picture of myself doing a ballet move among the Degas.

SAGAL: Oh.

GROSZ: And I bet nobody could tell the difference between you and the subjects of the painting.

POUNDSTONE: No, a lot of people realized afterwards that I had been the inspiration.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: It would be kind of an insult to be like, you need to go near the Rubens, actually, I think.

POUNDSTONE: Or worse yet, the Picassos.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah.

GROSZ: Yeah, exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Good God, your eye is in the middle of your cheek.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: By swimming with crocs, Lee tempts fate. I'm not dumb, he says, haters will hate. The girl saw the charm of my mangled, chewed arm, and we both will soon go on a...

LEVINTON: Date.

SAGAL: Yes, a date.

KURTIS: Date it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

LEVINTON: Date. Date. Yes.

SAGAL: Eighteen-year-old Australian man Lee De Paauw wanted to impress a woman he met while hiking, so he did what any, you know, hot-blooded young man would do. He jumped into a river to wrestle a 10-foot crocodile. And even though the crocodile won the match, it worked. She agreed to the date. This is how the woman in question described the scene. Quote, "you've seen 'Jaws.' There was a lot of blood. It was just pretty horrendous," she goes on, "he just wouldn't stop screaming. I've never heard a guy scream like that," unquote.

POUNDSTONE: Well, all right, so he - all right, so he said first to her, do you want to go on a date, and then he jumped in the river and wrestled a crocodile?

SAGAL: The sequence of events is not clear. What is clear is they had just met.

POUNDSTONE: Uh-huh (ph).

SAGAL: And he wanted to impress her.

POUNDSTONE: Uh-huh.

SAGAL: And so he said, I know what will impress her, if I jump in there and wrestle that crocodile. And instead...

POUNDSTONE: Uh-huh. Do you think he said to her first, you know, would you be impressed if I wrestled - or he just sensed...

SAGAL: Oh, no, you don't know very many boys, do you? No, you don't...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You just - you - the boy just assumes - he just says to himself, I understand women. I know what they would be impressed with is me wrestling that crocodile.

POUNDSTONE: Well, what you may not realize is that that male crocodile had a pretty little female crocodile...

SAGAL: Sure.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...Not far away. And he said to himself - originally he was just going to lay there and pretend to be a log like they do. But when this happened, he was sort of forced into showing off for his female partner. And...

SAGAL: I know.

GROSZ: When the irony would be that the female crocodile's like, not interested.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. Right.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: She said - no, she said to him, would you take that arm out of your mouth? I can't understand you when you talk.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You want to go out with me?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: What? You want to go out with me?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: (Unintelligible).

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Well, actually, the smell of a bloody human arm is like a great cologne for crocodiles.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Ruth do on our quiz?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, how did Ruth do?

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Well, as Paula would say, 3 and 0. A clear win. A clear win.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Ruth.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much.

LEVINTON: Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF WARREN SMITH SONG, "UBANGI STOMP") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.