Limericks

Mar 11, 2017
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

JESSI KLEIN, HOST:

Coming up it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. If you like being slightly too cold, you will love being live in this auditorium.

ADAM FELBER: (Laughter).

KLEIN: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

EMILY MAIELLA: This is Emily from Wendell, Mass.

KLEIN: Hi, Emily from Wendell, Mass. Welcome.

(APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: You live in a very adorably named town, Wendell.

MAIELLA: Yeah, absolutely. It's a very adorable town.

KLEIN: And what do you do in Wendell, Mass.?

MAIELLA: Well, the town is full of hippies and anarchists, so I guess you can do whatever you want in Wendell.

(LAUGHTER)

HELEN HONG: Wow.

KLEIN: OK, wow, you just really blew the roof off what I thought was happening in Wendell.

MAIELLA: It's true.

KLEIN: I was picturing just real traditional little sort of New England...

FELBER: Pepperidge Farm.

KLEIN: Pepperidge Farm. And you're like, no, people are making Molotov cocktails here.

(LAUGHTER_)

MAIELLA: We do have our share of maple syrup buckets hanging, but it's - that's just a facade.

HONG: Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: All right, well, welcome to the show, Emily.

MAIELLA: All right.

KLEIN: Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can, fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks and you'll be a winner. If you can't, it means limericks aren't your jam. I think that's fine because we can't all be amazing at everything. And you are busy, apparently, helping to bring down the United States government.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: All right, Emily...

FELBER: (Laughter).

KLEIN: Here is your - no accusations, but CIA, tune in.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Emily, Emily, here is your first limerick.

MAIELLA: All right.

BILL KURTIS: At the movies the old folks just grumble grim. Kids are late and they're loud as they stumble in. Now there's ball pits inside, also ropes and a slide. Yes, our theater features a...

MAIELLA: Gym.

KURTIS: Gym. You are right.

KLEIN: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: Correct. It's a jungle gym. The popularity of Netflix and access to cheap Milk Duds means tough times for movie theaters. But two theaters in Southern California have come up with a plan to get families back at the movies - jungle gyms in the theaters. The idea is to distract the kids with a swing set while you watch the movie. This beats the old method of plopping your toddler on the stickiest part of the theater floor and then sitting far away.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: The jungle gyms will be in theaters showing "Beauty And The Beast," if that makes it more enticing to anyone. Hard pass from everybody?

FELBER: Yeah. You don't happen to have the address of those theaters I'm not going to, do you?

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Let me check. Let me check. All right, Emily, here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: Our shop isn't breaking the law. In most bakeries the oven's the flaw. Our sweet, sticky goop is served by the scoop. We're selling our cookie dough...

MAIELLA: Raw.

KURTIS: Yes, it is.

KLEIN: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Yes, it is raw.

KLEIN: Yes, it is, Emily, raw. Raw cookie dough stories are popping up. They're the latest food trend and also the easiest way to know that you have deep depression.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: The cookie dough uses pasteurized eggs and heat-treated flour, deeming it completely safe to eat.

HONG: Oh.

KLEIN: Except for the danger of diabetes, high cholesterol, weight gain, diarrhea, loss of sex drive and the potential to literally eat all of your feelings. In a related story, America has given up.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: We really have. I mean...

KLEIN: Don't care anymore.

BODDEN: ...When you get to the point that you can't even wait for the bakery to bake the cookies...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: When you're like, this - next they'll just inject it. They'll get...

KLEIN: No one has ever shown up to that store in anything other than pants that use a drawstring.

FELBER: Yeah.

KLEIN: It's a drawstring-only...

FELBER: Absolutely.

KLEIN: ...Situation.

HONG: Wow.

KLEIN: All right, Emily, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Our visitors send in best wishes, say displays shouldn't end up in dishes. They are mailing their thanks to the guys in the tanks. They send handwritten notes to our...

MAIELLA: Fishes.

KURTIS: Fishes it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Three in a row.

(APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: Yes, congratulations. That's right, Emily, it's fishes. People are sending fan mail to the Monterey Bay Aquarium fish.

FELBER: (Laughter).

KLEIN: What do you think about sending fan mail to fish?

HONG: It's like writing to Nemo?

KLEIN: Yeah.

HONG: Oh.

KLEIN: Yeah, it's like writing to Nemo, although I feel bad that, like, the fish that looks like Nemo will get, like, a ton of mail.

FELBER: Right.

HONG: Yeah.

KLEIN: But then there's going to be, like, a dud fish.

HONG: Yeah.

BODDEN: Yeah.

FELBER: And I've been to that aquarium. Those otters must be like, what the hell? What do I got to do?

BODDEN: How cute do I have to be?

FELBER: The fish are getting fan mail?

KLEIN: How much fur do I have to have?

FELBER: I'm on my back cracking a shell for you.

BODDEN: I just - I always wonder, who are these people? Who just has time - like, you know something? I'm just going to go ahead and write a fan letter to a fish.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I'm done eating cookie dough for the day.

KLEIN: Yeah. I think that's the guy. All right, Bill, how did Emily do?

KURTIS: She was on top of it all the way, 3 and 0.

KLEIN: Perfect.

KURTIS: Great, Emily.

(APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: Emily, congratulations. Thanks so much for playing.

MAIELLA: Bye, everybody.

KLEIN: Bye, Emily.

UNIDENTIFIED MEN: Bye, Emily.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "PLEASE MR. POSTMAN")

THE MARVELETTES: (Singing) Wait.

GLADYS HORTON: (Singing) Oh, yes, wait a minute, Mr. Postman.

THE MARVELETTES: (Singing) Wait.

HORTON: (Singing) Wait, Mr. Postman.

THE MARVELETTES: (Singing) Please, Mr. Postman, look and see.

HORTON: (Singing) Oh, yeah.

THE MARVELETTES: (Singing) Is there a letter in your bag for me?

HORTON: (Singing) Please, please, Mr. Postman. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.