Limericks

Feb 11, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you - yes, you - have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. Or if you happen to be in Dallas, Texas, we'll be there on March 23. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

MICHAEL DAVIDSON: Hi, this is Michael Davidson.

SAGAL: Hey, Michael, where you calling from?

DAVIDSON: I am calling from rainy Oakland, Calif.

SAGAL: Yeah, you guys have had rain. It's amazing. How does...

DAVIDSON: And rain and rain and rain.

SAGAL: What do you there in Oaktown?

DAVIDSON: I am the local grilled cheese guy.

SAGAL: Oh, of course.

PETER GROSZ: Oh, cheese.

SAGAL: Because every neighborhood, as we know, traditionally has the grilled cheese guy who walks up and down the streets delivering the grill - you are the - you are a grilled cheese guy?

GROSZ: Peter.

SAGAL: Yes?

GROSZ: I have had Michael's grilled cheese.

SAGAL: You have?

MO ROCCA: Oh, my God.

FAITH SALIE: Is that a euphemism?

(LAUGHTER)

GLYNN WASHINGTON: Indeed, delicious. From one Oaklander to another, keep it on.

SAGAL: There you are.

DAVIDSON: Thank you.

SAGAL: One of your happy customers.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, Michael, welcome to the show. Glynn Washington here, your happy customer, filling in for Bill Kurtis, is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to do this?

DAVIDSON: I am ready.

SAGAL: All right, here's your first limerick. Go ahead, Glynn.

WASHINGTON: Who needs Speed Stick? I'm pulling an odor punt. For armpit smells, here's a new coaster stunt. Dash of talc, vinaigrette and voila, no more sweat. I've made my own stick of...

ROCCA: It's not antiperspirant.

SAGAL: It is deodorant. It is - is the answer, deodorant. The do-it-yourself movement reached a new low this week - homemade deodorant. The deodorant's defenders tell The Wall Street Journal their product is not only cost-efficient, it's also healthier. Critics say that's all true, but could you please stand over there and say that?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, you have two more chances, and I'm pretty sure Glynn's now warmed up. He's going to get this limerick and...

WASHINGTON: I'm going to try. I'm going to try. Me - it's me and you, Michael. It's Oakland against the world.

SAGAL: Here you are.

ROCCA: A-five, six, seven, eight.

WASHINGTON: Through smartphones, propriety warps. At this wake, I have earned scornful snorts. My selfie was hurried as Grandma was buried. I took a quick pic with the...

DAVIDSON: (Laughter) You go - corpse?

SAGAL: Yes, there you are.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to morticians in Canada, more and more people are taking their phones into funeral homes and using them to take casket selfies, known in the trade as caskies (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I thought - I didn't know if it was possible to hate people who took selfies in weird places even more.

SAGAL: More, I know. All right, you have one more limerick.

ROCCA: I want to open an ice cream parlor for people right after a funeral and call it Creamatory (ph), but spell it like C-R-E-A-M.

SALIE: And you can say, you want an ice cream. You urned (ph) it.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: And then what are you going to do after that when that doesn't work? When that business fails?

WASHINGTON: (Laughter) It doesn't take off?

SAGAL: All right, here's your last limerick. Glynn, let's do it up.

WASHINGTON: Who says pizza can't be finger-licking? If I eat it, will my heart stop ticking? It is personal sized, so I'll order three pies. It's a crust that is made of fried...

DAVIDSON: Chicken.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Chicken. Chicken, I tell you. In what is either the latest advance in food technology or another sign that the world is just turning into garbage, KFC is now selling a pizza with a crust made of fried chicken.

SALIE: And it's called...

SAGAL: The Chizza.

SALIE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Chicken and pizza. Not the chick-za (ph), because that would excite the Jewish boys.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Chizza is only available at KFCs in Asia. But have no fear. Just like Godzilla, eventually it will cross the Atlantic and crush us.

GROSZ: Why do we force people in Asia to eat stuff like that? Like, why - KFC - like, do they - they don't have the balls to serve to Americans?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Glynn, how did Michael do on our quiz?

WASHINGTON: Fantastic, got two out of three. He's a big winner.

SAGAL: Yeah, absolutely.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much, Michael, for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF MACEO PARKER'S "CHICKEN") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.