Limericks

Feb 4, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Dallas, Texas, on March 23.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

NICK MCGILL: Hi, there. This is Nick McGill from Danbury, Conn.

SAGAL: Nick McGill from Danbury. How are you?

MCGILL: I'm great. How are you?

SAGAL: I am well. I know Danbury. Not far from New York City, right?

MCGILL: No, not at all, just about an hour.

SAGAL: Just about an hour. And what do you do there?

MCGILL: I am a voice actor.

SAGAL: No kidding.

MCGILL: Yeah, yeah. I do audio books and animation.

FAITH SALIE: So this is what I've always wanted to know. You're a guy, obviously.

MCGILL: Mm-hm (ph).

SALIE: And when you're reading a book, if you have to voice a girl's voice do you change your voice?

MCGILL: I pitch it up a little bit. I make it a little lighter.

SAGAL: Right. Could you do the rest of your appearance on this show as a female character?

(LAUGHTER)

MCGILL: I suppose so, sure.

SAGAL: All right.

MCGILL: But I would require Carl's voice pitched as well.

SAGAL: I understand. Well, Nick, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

MCGILL: I am, yeah.

SAGAL: Here we go. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I'm changing my sad attitude. I'm tired of being subdued. I think I'm depressed because I'm too fully dressed. So I'll go around totally...

MCGILL: Nude.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A study published in the Journal of Happiness, which is the exact opposite of that journal you kept in junior high...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...It says if you want to feel happier, just take your clothes off in public. People who spent time doing things naked with others - sunbathing, shuffleboard, fantastically unsuccessful job interviews...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...They reported feeling happier than those who kept their clothes on. The reason for this, researchers believe, is that seeing other not-perfect bodies boosts our own self-esteem. You know, it's like, I used to be ashamed of this body, but then I saw all of you guys. Now I feel great about myself.

LUKE BURBANK: You know, someone tested this theory this week in the part of the world I live in, up in the Northwest. They arrested a guy who was running nude on the Microsoft campus at, like, 3:00 in the morning.

SAGAL: Really?

BURBANK: And he said that he was trying to toughen himself up by running in the cold naked. And the police, they detained him. They did not arrest him. And they told the media later, we are not releasing photos of him. And they said, quote, "you're welcome."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: This orangutan's heart is a cinder. An enclosure most romance does hinder. But I'm not one to gripe. I just sit, stare and swipe. I'll find love with a smartphone and...

MCGILL: Tinder.

SAGAL: Yes, Tinder.

KURTIS: Yes, Tinder.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Dutch zoo has created Tinder for orangutans for its female orangutan named Samboja. It's just like - it really is just like human Tinder. Samboja scrolls through pictures of available males that she might be tempted to mate with. She swipes right on the one she likes but ends up with a smelly arrogant ape that looks nothing like its picture.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: The scientists who came up with this did say that she might find someone she thinks is hot and then their smells don't match, you know?

SAGAL: Yeah, it's a problem. They should just give it like regular Tinder. And like, you know, some guy would be like, all right.

BURBANK: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And...

BURBANK: There's a guy that will pay extra for that.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, I'm Jeremy. I'm here to pick up Samboja.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Can you wear something so I'll know which one you are?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: Like a carnation or something?

SAGAL: Yeah. All right, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: No more will I simply go jog or do CrossFit by hefting a log. I'll just do a yawned stretch. Then I'll sit, beg and fetch. I'm working out just like my...

MCGILL: Dog.

SAGAL: Yes, your dog.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Work Out Like A Dog is a fitness class in the U.K. for humans that makes you run around like a dog. This is true. Participants gather outside, they sniff each other's butts to say hello. And then they play games like fetch, roll over, tug-of-war and roll around where a bird died.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: What country is this happening in?

SAGAL: This is the U.K., of course.

BURBANK: And they're not on the list of people that can't come into America?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's amazing. It doesn't seem to make sense. Bill, how did Nick do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Three out of three. Boy, that's good.

SAGAL: Well done, Nick.

(APPLAUSE)

MCGILL: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Thank you.

MCGILL: Thanks, guys.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT")

UNIDENTIFIED SINGERS: (Singing) Snoop. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.