Limericks

Jan 28, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and in Dallas, Texas on March 23.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

KERRY NICHOLSON: Hi. This is Kerry Nicholson calling from Fairbanks, Alaska.

SAGAL: Fairbanks, Alaska?

NICHOLSON: Yep.

SAGAL: Wow. It is...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I have been to Fairbanks. It is beautiful and rugged out there. What do you do there?

NICHOLSON: I am a wildlife biologist.

SAGAL: That is the place to do it.

NICHOLSON: Yes, it is.

SAGAL: So what - do you specialize in moose?

NICHOLSON: No, I specialize right now in grizzly bears. And I get to strap myself and hang out of a helicopter and dart bears from the air, and then land...

SAGAL: Wait a minute, doesn't that make the bears mad?

(LAUGHTER)

NICHOLSON: It does.

SAGAL: Stop darting them. Well, Kerry, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Finish the limerick. Do that two times out of three, you will win our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail saying you're out darting bears. Ready to play?

NICHOLSON: Yes. I'm nervous.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: A new style of workout, OK kid? Go easy, don't stretch it and break it. Just like ancient Greeks, we're exposing our cheeks. This exercise class is taught...

MO ROCCA: Something you would never be outside in Fairbanks.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

NICHOLSON: Naked?

SAGAL: Naked, yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Naked. There you go.

SAGAL: You are probably one of the millions of people who didn't think they could feel any worse about themselves at the gym. Surprise.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A personal trainer in the U.K. is now offering naked exercise classes to make sure everyone can experience body shame.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The creator of the class says that being naked is actually a big help to anyone going through an exercise routine because baggy clothes often prevent instructors from being able to assure that you're using proper form. It also saves time spent wiping off gym equipment because after you've done a naked workout on a weight machine you just throw it away.

(LAUGHTER)

HELEN HONG: Seriously, there's not enough bleach in the world.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: In Red Cross disaster appeals, it's best to send money for meals. Flood victims can't use your used Jimmy Choos, so don't send old pairs of high...

NICHOLSON: Shoes?

SAGAL: Well, they are shoes.

KURTIS: Kind of. Kind of.

SAGAL: But the word we're looking for...

KURTIS: High...

SAGAL: ...Rhymes differently.

KURTIS: You probably don't see these kind of shoes up in Fairbanks.

NICHOLSON: High-heel shoes.

SAGAL: High heels.

KURTIS: High heel it is.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The Red Cross in Australia apparently gets an unusually high number of high heels donated in their drives. And then they have to spend their precious time trying to get rid of them because really the only disaster that high heels can help with is a really shallow flood.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this is also true. This Australian branch of the Red Cross also gets a large number of chainsaws donated to them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Workers are telling Australians to save their chainsaws for a time that they may be more useful, like when you're late for work and a person with a clipboard asks if you have a second to talk about the Red Cross.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: You could use the chain saws to lop off the high heels.

SAGAL: That's true.

ROCCA: That's nice...

SAGAL: And then you have...

HONG: And just make them flats.

ROCCA: That's very crafty.

SAGAL: Yeah. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: When we turn other cheeks we feel crappier, so get feisty and angry and scrappier. Don't just sit there and brood, striking back lifts the mood. It's been proof that revenge makes us...

NICHOLSON: Happier?

SAGAL: Happier, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You knew this. And it's true, participants in a study described in the Journal of Social Psychology were told that other people in the group had been making fun of them. They were then given voodoo dolls of those people and pins to stab them with. And once they did that, everybody felt a lot better.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But maybe - OK, that's not vengeance. Maybe it's just like sticking pins in a doll was fun. Well, in a second experiment, people were allowed to send a loud unpleasant tone to the headphones of people they had thought had hurt them. Everybody felt better. Even the angriest subjects, though, would not torture their enemies by sending them the TED Radio Hour.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Them's fighting words.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Kerry do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Kerry in Fairbanks did great. All three, Kerry, congratulations.

SAGAL: Well done, Kerry.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Kerry, and thanks for playing.

NICHOLSON: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

NICHOLSON: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HAPPY")

UNIDENTIFIED SINGERS: (Singing) Because I'm happy.

PHARRELL WILLIAMS: (Singing) Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof.

UNIDENTIFIED SINGERS: (Singing) Because I'm happy.

WILLIAMS: (Singing) Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth.

UNIDENTIFIED SINGERS: (Singing) Because I'm happy.

WILLIAMS: (Singing) Clap along if you know what happiness is to you... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.