Limericks

Dec 24, 2016
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Ill. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JASMINE TAYLOR: Hi, this is Jasmine from Boston, Mass.

SAGAL: Hey, Jasmine, how are things in Boston?

TAYLOR: It's pretty much covered in a fog of weed smoke for the past month.

SAGAL: Oh, I imagine, yeah, 'cause you just made pot legal in Massachusetts.

TAYLOR: Yeah, we did.

BRIAN BABYLON: Wait, recreational legal or medicinal legal?

SAGAL: Well, what I...

TAYLOR: Recreational.

SAGAL: Well, what I understand is that it's now legal to possess it, but there's nowhere to buy it legally.

TAYLOR: Not yet. Got to rely on the good old black market for now.

SAGAL: I understand.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Jasmine, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

TAYLOR: I sure am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Got no help from the pills that you took? Let the bibliotherapist look. Your recovery quickens with pages of Dickens. I'm prescribing some rest and a...

TAYLOR: All right, give me the rhyming words one more time.

SAGAL: So it rhymes with took and it rhymes with look. You...

TAYLOR: Oh, a book.

SAGAL: A book, yes.

KURTIS: Book, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

ADAM FELBER: Yes, indeed.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Book doctors, or bibliotherapists, charge a fee for their consultations. And just like psychologists or chiropractors, they pretend they're real doctors.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Hey, see? This is why those guys want to get rid of that Obamacare, stuff like this.

(LAUGHTER)

AMY DICKINSON: Useful.

FELBER: It's a slippery slope.

BABYLON: Slippery slope.

SAGAL: If they get rid of Obamacare, this is all we're going to have left.

BABYLON: Is books, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm sorry you have cancer. Enjoy this new Jack Reacher novel. That's basically all they're going to have for you.

FELBER: Wow. It's a quick read. And for you, that's a good thing.

SAGAL: Exactly.

DICKINSON: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Oh, people we know play it sloppily, that board game of real estate property. We'll give you the tools to dispute made-up rules. Our hotline ends fights in...

TAYLOR: Monopoly.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes, Monopoly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: She's on a roll now. She's got it.

SAGAL: Our favorite story is for the holidays. Hasbro, makers of Monopoly, have set up a special hotline to help settle fights over the game between Christmas and New Years. The record - just so you know, the official record for going from hey, it's a new Monopoly set to I want a divorce is four minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Operators will be standing by with rule books and answers to common questions like how the hell do I make this game end?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: So do you think - do you think this is actually seasonal work?

SAGAL: I - yeah, it's seasonal work for now...

BABYLON: So...

SAGAL: ...Because apparently, a lot of people are going to get new Monopoly sets.

DICKINSON: Maybe the same people that do the Butterball hotline...

SAGAL: Switch over.

DICKINSON: ...Just segue over.

BABYLON: What's the Butterball hotline?

FELBER: And now they'll be employed for 30 days.

DICKINSON: Whoa, what's the Butterball hotline? Brian, it's an 800 number you can call...

BABYLON: For, like, big girls?

DICKINSON: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: You're...

FELBER: Let him finish.

SAGAL: No, wait a minute. Amy, stop. Yes, Brian, that's what it is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I encourage you...

DICKINSON: You call that 800 number.

SAGAL: You call them up and let them know.

BABYLON: 'Cause that - you know that's a thing.

SAGAL: Oh, I know, Brian.

BABYLON: Yeah.

FELBER: That's fantastic.

DICKINSON: That is absolutely awesome.

SAGAL: All right, we're - we are moving on.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Jasmine, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: When garlic is too strong to eat, I will let shoes and socks have a treat. The oils seep in through the pores of my skin. I can taste through the soles of my...

TAYLOR: Feet.

SAGAL: Yes, feet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The old saying goes, the feet are the window to your mouth. And crazy it may sound, it turns out you can taste garlic through your feet. It works like this, according to the American Chemical Society - they've put this out - you put a piece of raw garlic in a garbage bag. You put your bare feet in the bag, and you wait about an hour. Then you will start to taste the garlic in your mouth.

FELBER: This is from the file of how did they discover that?

SAGAL: Well...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It turns out that garlic has this special chemical that is porous to the skin, and it takes about an hour for it to get from your feet up to your brain.

FELBER: Yeah, but...

BABYLON: But you know what? I heard that's like waterboarding for vampires, bro.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: One thing we didn't tell you, Count...

BABYLON: Yeah.

FELBER: ...Is that your shoes are filled with garlic.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: I'll tell you whatever you want. I'll tell you where...

FELBER: Do you smell what I smell? Anywho (ph)...

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: No, go ahead, yeah. That's true, though. They - that's how they get information out of vampires.

SAGAL: I'm sure.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jasmine do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She did great, 3 and 0.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Jasmine.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. Thank you so much for playing.

TAYLOR: Thanks, bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "GARLIC BREATH")

JOHNNY AND THE JAMSTAND BAND: (Singing) Garlic breath, garlic breath, one kiss from you is the kiss of death. Keep yourself at home alone if you've got garlic breath. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.