Limericks

Dec 10, 2016
Originally published on December 11, 2016 9:07 am
Copyright 2016 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up it's Lighting Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

RACHEL SLONE: Hi, this is Rachel. I'm calling from Arlington, Va.

SAGAL: Arlington, a beautiful place.

SLONE: Yes.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, what do you do there? Are you part of the permanent government?

SLONE: Of course.

SAGAL: Of course.

SLONE: I live in Arlington and I work up in Silver Spring at the FDA.

SAGAL: You work at the FDA?

SLONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Well, my understanding is that under our new administration, they're going to put somebody in charge of the FDA who's not in favor of testing drugs before they're released. So that'll be a lot of - load off your desk I guess.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And welcome to the show, Rachel. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of them, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

SLONE: Sure.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Like the man with the power of vetos, my orange face scares off mosquitoes. This cheesy puff bronzer created a monster. My face is the color of...

SLONE: Oh, Cheetos.

KURTIS: Cheetos.

SAGAL: Yes, Cheetos.

KURTIS: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to the website for the product Color du Cheetos brand makeup gives a, quote, "vibrant Cheetos glow" to your face, a glow that says I just came up from a "Transformers" movie marathon in my mom's basement.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The bronzer cost 12 bucks. But bargain hunters say you can get the same effect by just putting your head in a bag of Cheetos and shaking vigorously.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: So they're using the same chemical that they use to color the Cheetos to color your face.

SAGAL: I can't see why not.

FAITH SALIE: But if you wanted to apply it precisely, could you put the Cheetos in the cheese gun?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There you go.

GROSZ: Shoot a little eye shadow onto my eyes.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: As a young man, I won't spill my guts. So I'm stuck in my same cranky ruts. But the seed in this shell might crack my hull as well. I'll cheer up with a handful of...

SLONE: Nuts?

SAGAL: Yes, nuts.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Scientists have found a cure for moody and sullen men that's more efficient than simply locking them out of the house.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You feed them nuts. Feed them walnuts. Walnuts apparently have the effect of cheering men up - putting them in a better mood. Researchers at the University of Mexico figured this out. This is very clever. They took a group of subjects and they fed them banana bread every day for 16 weeks and then they tested their mood. Some of the banana bread had walnuts. And on the men, it had the effect of improving their mood. Not the women. Women get no benefit from eating nuts. And all over America...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Women just turned to their boyfriends and husbands and said I told you.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You know, don't eating walnuts - doesn't need a walnuts also give men gas?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: That's what makes you happy.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Right.

SAGAL: Well, Rachel, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: In self-praise, my tongue will keep wagging. That'll stop others' interest from lagging. Let humility wait, I'm tremendous and great. It's fantastic how I just keep...

SLONE: Nagging?

SAGAL: Not nagging. It's something else you do when you talk. Rhymes with wagging.

SLONE: Bragging.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Bragging, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

KURTIS: She's good.

SAGAL: Bragging. Good news, D-bags everywhere, a study out of Brown University says in certain situations bragging is A-OK. In a job interview, for example, talking up your achievements will make you seem confident and ambitious. I have over 10,000 Twitter followers and have coined several hashtags.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But there are risks. On a date, bragging makes you look arrogant and dumb. So the secret to successful bragging - everybody needs to know this - is to drop a little brag nuggets into your stories. Like, very kind of like oh, casual, oh, yeah, you know, didn't mean to mention that, it just happened. So, like, oh my, shoulder - yeah it's really sore. I've been carrying my suitcase with all my gold medals in it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Rachel do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Rachel, you did great. You got them all right. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Rachel.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing.

SLONE: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THE WORLD'S GREATEST")

R KELLY: (Singing) I'm that star up in the sky. I'm that mountain peak up high. Hey, I made it. I'm the world's greatest. And I'm that little bit of hope when my backs against the ropes I can feel it, I'm the world's greatest. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.