Lightning Fill In The Blank

Jul 22, 2017
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hey, it is time for our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth 2 points.

Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: I can. Tom has 3. Adam has 3. Paula is leading with 4.

SAGAL: All right then, Paula. We've flipped a coin, and Adam has elected to go second. So Tom, you are up first. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the House GOP unveiled their blank for 2018.

TOM BODETT: Budget.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, former football star and definitely not a murderer, blank, was granted parole for a 2007 armed robbery conviction.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: O.J. Simpson.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Arizona senator, blank, announced that he had been diagnosed with brain cancer.

BODETT: John McCain.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After serving 13 months for bank fraud, former House speaker blank was released from prison this week.

BODETT: Dennis Hastert.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, spectators at a Mets game responded to Governor Chris Christie catching a foul ball and giving it to a young fan by blanking.

BODETT: Probably, like, mooning him.

SAGAL: Close enough. They booed him.

BODETT: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, an appeals court in Colorado ruled that the scent of blank was not just cause to search a vehicle.

BODETT: Pot.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Elon Musk said that he was granted verbal approval to build a blank connecting New York to D.C.

BODETT: Oh, like, this supertunnel.

SAGAL: Yeah, we'll call it the Hyperloop.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODETT: Hyperloop.

SAGAL: This week, an Olympic gold medalist was cleared of...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Doping charges when he successfully blamed a failed a drug test on blanking.

BODETT: Eating a poppy seed bagel.

SAGAL: No, making out with his girlfriend for three hours.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: U.S. sprinter Gil Roberts claimed he had been exposed to performance-enhancing drugs when making out with his girlfriend while she was on a medication that contained steroids. This is bad news for any athlete who's been doping. I've been sticking a syringe in my butt when I could have just been getting busy with a weightlifter?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, I don't think we'll have to have a recount, but I've never seen any score this high. Tom, you got seven right, 14 more points, a total of 17.

SAGAL: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, Adam, you are up next. Fill in the blank. This week, the Supreme Court upheld a rule exempting grandparents from Trump's blank.

ADAM BURKE: Travel ban.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, a judge overturned a conviction of a woman who was sentenced to prison for laughing during blank's confirmation hearings.

BURKE: Jeff Sessions.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to officials, President Trump is ending a CIA program that covertly armed moderate rebels in blank.

BURKE: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the White House announced new sanctions against blank for threatening security in the Middle East.

BURKE: Russia.

SAGAL: No, Iran. At this point, no, he's not going to do that to Russia.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: That's right.

SAGAL: Unsatisfied with pepper spray, a company in China is now selling women, quote, "anti-pervert" blanks.

BURKE: Dogs.

SAGAL: Flamethrowers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, the U.S. Air Force...

BODETT: That might work.

SAGAL: On Monday, the U.S. Air Force announced it was seeking permission to shoot down civilian blanks that interfere with flight operation.

BURKE: Drones.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Disney fired Steve Whitmire, the puppeteer who has been the voice of blank since the death of Jim Henson.

BURKE: Kermit the Frog.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A woman in Alabama isn't sure why she received a package...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...From Gillette filled with free razors and a note saying blank for her 50th birthday.

BURKE: Shave your face.

SAGAL: No. It said, welcome to manhood.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Oh, God.

SAGAL: These people at Gillette do not know what menopause really is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Jennifer Greer says the package of razors also contained a little booklet that said, quote, "your first shave won't make you a man, but it will get you pretty damn close."

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: That sounds like a nasty ex-husband...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: ...Behind that somewhere.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Adam do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got five right, 10 more points. But a total of 13 falls short of Tom's lead.

SAGAL: All right, then, how many does Paula need to win?

KURTIS: Seven to win.

SAGAL: All right, Paula, that's a lot. Let's see...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...How this happens. Here we go. This week, Trump's commission on blank fraud held its first ever meeting.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Voting.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, officials said that ExxonMobil violated Russia sanctions in 2014 when their CEO was current secretary of state blank.

POUNDSTONE: Tillerson.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The notoriously harsh Dubai Police are aiming to change their reputation by blanking at their police station.

POUNDSTONE: Snuggling.

SAGAL: By painting smiley face emojis on the ceiling. On Sunday, tennis star blank won his eighth Wimbledon title.

POUNDSTONE: Federer.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, it was announced that Ryan Seacrest would return to host blank.

POUNDSTONE: I don't know what he hosts. The You're a Talented American Contest.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "American Idol." This week, an Ohio State fan...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Asserted his hatred for the University of Michigan despite the fact that he was blank.

POUNDSTONE: Graduated from there.

SAGAL: No, despite the fact that he was in a coma.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: If you know, Ohio State fans, they really don't like the University of Michigan. And this guy, who's now fine - he's recovering - was in this deep coma. And they decided to see if he was responsive at all. So they put little thing in his hands and told him press one for yes, press the other for no. And he was completely unresponsive to all of their questions until they asked this Ohio State fan, do you like Michigan football? And all of a sudden, it was like, no, no, no.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And they thought it was a fluke. They asked again. It was like, no, no, no.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's a medical miracle but nothing compared to the giant, red O he managed to paint on his chest while he was in a coma.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Paula do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, she got three right, 6 more points, a total of 10. That means Tom Bodett...

POUNDSTONE: There it is.

KURTIS: ...Goes home happy.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.