Lightning Fill In The Blank

Jul 1, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Luke has two. Roxanne and Tom have three.

SAGAL: I see. So, Luke, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, a retracted story tying one of President Trump's advisers to a Russian investment fund led three journalists to resign from blank.

LUKE BURBANK: CNN.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Defense Secretary Jim Mattis said that U.S. pressure prevented a chemical weapon attack in blank.

BURBANK: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Democrats and Republicans condemned Donald Trump's tweets against the hosts of blank.

BURBANK: "Morning Joe."

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Upon being given an NBA lifetime achievement award by a collection of basketball legends, former Celtics star Bill Russell told them blank.

BURBANK: I could still take all of you.

SAGAL: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Quote, "I would kick your asses."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, former vice presidential hopeful blank announced she was suing The New York Times for defamation.

BURBANK: Sarah Palin.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, NASA called out Goop founder blank for selling body stickers that she claimed rebalanced energy.

BURBANK: Gwyneth Paltrow.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the CIA fired a handful of contractors who they say were caught hacking into blank at the CIA headquarters.

BURBANK: The president's private collection of Coca-Cola sunblock.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: These contractors were caught hacking into vending machines. According to this internal report, contractors working at their headquarters realized if you just pulled a cable out of the back of the vending machine, you could get free snacks. And then they proceeded to steal $3,000 worth.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The CIA was pretty quick, though, to track down and prosecute them because if there is a recent hack Americans want investigated, it's definitely the one where someone made off with some Funyuns.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Luke do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he started behind. But listen to this - he got six right, 12 more points, total of 14. He takes the lead.

SAGAL: Very well done.

(APPLAUSE)

BURBANK: For now.

SAGAL: Well, we've flipped a coin. Roxanne has decided to go last. So that means, Tom, you're up next. Fill in the blank. In a break with tradition, President Trump declined to hold a White House dinner to mark the end of blank.

TOM BODETT: Ramadan.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Europe, South Asia and the U.S. were all affected by a massive blank attack.

BODETT: Cyberattack.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo declared a state of emergency for New York City's blank.

BODETT: The A train.

SAGAL: The transit system. I'll give you that.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, lawmakers in Scotland delayed plans for a second referendum on blank.

BODETT: The independence.

SAGAL: Right, independence from the U.K., in this case.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, someone in a car destroyed the newly installed monument to blank at the Arkansas State Capitol.

BODETT: The Ten Commandments.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Minnesota police arresting a man for a drug offense were undeterred when the man blanked.

BODETT: When the man tried to sell them some of his drugs.

SAGAL: When the man handed them a Monopoly get-out-of-jail-free card.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Quite clever. And I know. That man just instantly became all of your hero, right?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Though the police refused to accept the man's get-out-of-jail-free card, a spokesman for the sheriff's office said that they appreciated the humor and gave the man A for effort. They also gave him bail set at $5,000...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Which the man will pay as soon as he lands on free parking or wins second place in a beauty contest.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, if Tom leaves the light on, he has nothing to do but study, and he did pretty good. He got five right, 10 more points, total of 13 - one less.

SAGAL: All right, so that means that...

BODETT: So you're saying my day is over.

SAGAL: So how many then does Roxanne need to win, as she loves to do?

KURTIS: Yes, she does. Six to win. Follow along.

SAGAL: Here we go. Roxanne, this is for the game. On Monday, the EU announced a $2.7 billion fine on blank for antitrust violations.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Google.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Trump's former campaign chairman blank retroactively registered as a foreign agent.

ROBERTS: Paul Manafort.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, dozens of people were arrested in Washington for protesting proposed cuts to blank.

ROBERTS: I believe health care system.

SAGAL: OK, I'll give it to you.

ROBERTS: I mean...

SAGAL: It was Medicaid, specifically.

ROBERTS: OK.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After 52 years, FARC rebels handed over the last of their weapons to the government of blank.

ROBERTS: Colombia.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After being asked to repay a customer for a botched renovation, a contractor in Florida is now being sued for blanking.

ROBERTS: Let's see - for bulldozing their house.

SAGAL: For faking his own death...

ROBERTS: Ah.

SAGAL: ...To get out of it.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Who hasn't done that?

SAGAL: On Monday, Fox News announced they had hired departing Congressman blank as a contributor.

ROBERTS: Jason Chavez - Chaffetz. I can never...

SAGAL: It's Chaffetz, but that's OK.

ROBERTS: All right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Japan announced plans to put a man on the blank by 2030.

ROBERTS: Mars.

SAGAL: The moon. A new therapy gaining popularity in China is promising to relieve stress using only blank.

ROBERTS: The iPhone.

SAGAL: Using only meat cleavers.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: What?

SAGAL: Here's how it works. A masseuse sharpens a meat cleaver, then repeatedly taps your face with it to stimulate blood flow and release toxins.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: As one of the knife-wielding therapists said - and this is true - quote, "chop, chop, chop, and the pain will go away."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Roxanne do well enough to win?

KURTIS: No, she got five right, 10 more points - 13, comes short of the champion, Luke.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.