Lightning Fill In The Blank

Apr 8, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Paula and Alonzo each have two. But get this - Tom has four.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Whoa. Now, hold on.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: We have flipped a coin. Alonzo has elected to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Days after a chemical gas attack, the U.S. launched cruise missiles at an airfield in blank.

ALONZO BODDEN: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, blank fired another ballistic missile into the sea of Japan.

BODDEN: North Korea.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the NCAA announced it was repealing its boycott on North Carolina after the state repealed its so-called blank law.

BODDEN: The transgender bathroom law.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Attorney General Jeff Sessions ordered the Department of Justice to review proposed deals to reform local blank.

BODDEN: Marijuana laws.

SAGAL: No, in this case police departments. On Sunday, three people were arrested in connection with a highway collapse in blank.

BODDEN: Atlanta.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, astronomers announced an elaborate campaign to capture the first ever image of a blank.

BODDEN: Wow. I'm going to go with a star destroyer.

SAGAL: No, a black hole.

POUNDSTONE: Ooh.

SAGAL: A mail carrier went above and beyond by dropping a package through a customer's window, apologized after blank.

BODDEN: Breaking the window.

SAGAL: No, after the package went right into the toilet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The English mailman thought he was doing the package's recipient a solid when instead of leaving one of those missed delivery notices he just went to an open window and dropped it in and splash, into the toilet. Hopefully the package contained the guy's new iPhone so the mailman was just saving him a step.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got four right, eight more points. He has a total of 10 and the lead.

SAGAL: All right, so Paula...

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, baby.

SAGAL: You're up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, House Republican leaders hinted that talks over a revised replacement for blank were starting to break down.

POUNDSTONE: Health care bill.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a report from The Washington Post, Blackwater founder Erik Prince held a secret meeting to help open a communication channel between Trump and blank.

POUNDSTONE: His wife? The education secretary?

SAGAL: No, Putin. After new allegations of sexual harassment surfaced, scores of companies pulled their advertisements from blank's Fox News show.

POUNDSTONE: Bill O'Reilly.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, President Trump announced he'd donate his first quarter salary to blank.

POUNDSTONE: The National Parks that he's ruining.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After a three-hour search across the town of Dunston, a missing 9-year-old British boy was found blanking.

POUNDSTONE: Something with a video game.

SAGAL: No, hiding under his bed.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, my God.

SAGAL: This week, Amazon announced that it struck a $50 million deal to livestream blank games.

POUNDSTONE: I don't know, Monopoly without the thimble.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: NFL. Despite newly loosened regulations, Comcast announced this week that it would not be selling its customers' blanks.

POUNDSTONE: Internet information.

SAGAL: Yeah, Internet history.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the former head of the Royal Navy revealed that in 2002 the British military blanked.

POUNDSTONE: The British military pip-pipped (ph), I believe.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They accidentally invaded Spain.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, that can happen.

SAGAL: In the words of the former First Sea Lord - which is the best job title ever - he said, quote, "I had a phone call from the military commander saying, sir, I'm afraid something awful's happened. I thought, goodness me, what? But he said, I'm afraid we've invaded Spain, but we don't think they've noticed," unquote.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Real quote. The Marines had been on a training exercise. They got lost. They stormed a Spanish beach by accident. They were confronted by Spanish defense forces. It got tense, but they were able to defuse the situation by handing the Spaniards a Pepsi.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, we're following a very close game. Paula got four right, eight more points, total of 10. She's now tied with Alonzo.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, baby.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How many then - how many then does Tom need to win?

KURTIS: Three to tie, four to win.

SAGAL: All right, Tom, this is for the game. On Wednesday, officials in Russia began to hunt for possible accomplices in the suicide bombing in blank.

TOM BODETT: St. Petersburg.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, a federal appeals court in Chicago ruled that the Civil Rights Act protects blank workers from discrimination.

BODETT: Immigration workers.

SAGAL: No, LGBT and Q.

BODETT: Oh, right. Of course. Of course.

SAGAL: On Monday, Mylan Pharmaceuticals was hit with a class-action lawsuit over the price hike of blank.

BODETT: The - insulin.

SAGAL: No, EpiPens. On Monday, UNC beat Gonzaga to claim the blank championship.

BODETT: The NCAA...

SAGAL: Right.

BODETT: ...Championship.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Canadian bill to end daylight savings time is on hold because lawmakers say they need blank.

BODETT: They need (laughter) - they need more time.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Friday, David Letterman inducted Pearl Jam into the blank.

BODETT: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After 25 years, The Undertaker announced he was retiring from blank.

BODETT: The - wrestling. Big-time wrestling, yeah.

SAGAL: Professional wrestling, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a box marked two pair shoes that was making its way through Australian customs actually contained blank.

BODETT: Two alligators. One - no, they don't have - they have crocodiles.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The box marked two pair shoes actually contained three ball pythons, two hognose snakes, six vipers, two Colombian tarantulas, five Mexican redknee tarantulas, two Brazilian pink tarantulas and four Asian forest scorpions, which altogether is the worst Christmas carol ever written.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

BODETT: And not a crocodile.

SAGAL: No.

POUNDSTONE: And you didn't know that?

SAGAL: It's amazing. The package was part of a mail delivery from northern Europe being X-rayed by Australian customs. Despite the fact that the box said two pair shoes, it actually contained 24 live animals. Though I guess it is possible that Jimmy Choo had just gone insane and this is part of his summer collection.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Tom do well enough to win?

KURTIS: The man from the Green Mountains is our winner tonight.

SAGAL: Yay.

POUNDSTONE: There we go.

BODETT: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.