Lightning Fill In The Blank

Apr 1, 2017
Originally published on April 1, 2017 10:00 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

It's time to move on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Luke and Amy have five, Greg has three.

SAGAL: All right. Well, Greg, you are in third place. You are up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, a judge in Hawaii extended his nationwide suspension of Trump's blank.

GREG PROOPS: Ban. Muslim ban.

SAGAL: Right, travel ban.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, two allies of Chris Christie were sentenced to prison for their role in the blank scandal.

PROOPS: Bridgegate.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, House GOP leaders announced they had restarted negotiations to replace blank.

PROOPS: Obamacare.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: During a press conference on Monday, Attorney General Sessions warned that so-called blank cities may lose federal grant money.

PROOPS: Sanctuary.

SAGAL: Yes, sanctuary cities.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Better Business Bureau is investigating an Illinois company whose address is on the 23rd floor of blank.

PROOPS: Satan's tower.

SAGAL: No, a nine-story building.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Following a crash in Arizona, ride-sharing service blank suspended its self-driving car program.

PROOPS: Uber.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In an attempt to crack down on theft from its public bathrooms, the city of Beijing has installed blank.

PROOPS: I didn't hear the second part of that. There was a gong going off...

SAGAL: Yes.

PROOPS: ...During the city of Beijing question.

SAGAL: Has installed blank in order to prevent theft from public bathrooms. They have installed blank.

PROOPS: Cameras.

SAGAL: So close. They've installed facial recognition software.

PROOPS: In a bathroom?

SAGAL: Yes. Let me explain. They've had a problem with people coming in and stealing toilet paper from the public bathrooms. So what the city of Beijing has done is they've installed facial recognition so it recognizes you. And if you yourself take more than two feet of toilet paper, it will stop giving you toilet paper until you can get a new face.

PROOPS: Wow.

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, my gosh.

LUKE BURBANK: Yes. It's exactly - 24 inches is the amount that is released.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: Which is proof that they don't have hot wings in China.

SAGAL: That's...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Greg Proops do on our show?

KURTIS: Pretty good. Five right, 10 more points. He now leads with 13.

SAGAL: All right.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have flipped a coin. Amy's elected to go next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the House voted to allow internet service providers to sell their customers' blank.

DICKINSON: Private information.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, several key Democrats said they would filibuster to prevent the confirmation of blank.

DICKINSON: Gorsuch.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, North Carolina lawmakers agreed on a deal to repeal the state's controversial blank bill.

DICKINSON: Bathroom bill.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, authorities in blank announced they had arrested former President Park.

DICKINSON: South Korea.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man in Washington required emergency medical attention after being hit by a blank.

DICKINSON: A moose.

SAGAL: A bong flying through the air.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Bob Dylan announced he would pick up his blank while on tour.

DICKINSON: Nobel Prize.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, fast food giant blank announced it was switching to fresh beef for its quarter pounders.

DICKINSON: McDonald's.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Police in Arizona were able to easily apprehend a burglary suspect last weekend after he was trapped on a fence by blank.

DICKINSON: Trapped on a fence by an angry something - a rabbit.

SAGAL: No, he was trapped on a fence by his own pants. I don't know if they were angry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to several witnesses, the would-be thief was trying to scale a fence to get away from police. Fortunately, he slipped, caught his pants on one of the posts, leaving him dangling upside down with his pants around his ankles.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Police arrived shortly after, but instead of taking him in just called all of his exes to come gawk at him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Amy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She did six right, 12 more points, now has a total of 17 and the lead.

SAGAL: All right. And how many then...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Does Luke need to win?

KURTIS: Six to tie, seven to win.

SAGAL: All right, Luke, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, blank took on an unpaid role as one of her father's senior advisers.

BURBANK: Ivanka Trump.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, newly elected Chairman Tom Perez called for the resignation of every staffer at the blank.

BURBANK: Democratic Committee.

SAGAL: Yes, Democratic National Committee.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The U.S., France and Britain were among the nations that declined to join U.N. talks on banning blank.

BURBANK: Emissions.

SAGAL: Nuclear weapons. A judge in England sentenced the woman to two months in prison after she refused to stop blanking for over an hour.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Pretending she was the queen mother.

SAGAL: No, she refused to - she was playing an Ed Sheeran song on repeat for two hours.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, blank unveiled their first new smartphone since the doomed Note 7 recall.

BURBANK: Samsung.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, South Carolina, North Carolina, Oregon and Gonzaga all advanced to the final four of the blank.

BURBANK: NCAA basketball tournament.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British man who spent 120 hours assembling the world's largest jigsaw puzzle came up short when blank.

BURBANK: Ed Sheeran stole one of the pieces.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A hundred and twenty hours in, he's almost done, he discovered there were four missing pieces.

BURBANK: Stolen by Ed Sheeran.

SAGAL: He spent almost two weeks assembling the 34,000-piece puzzle before he realized he only had 33,996 of the pieces. Fortunately, he had purchased a copy of the same puzzle for this reason, right? He's like, so I need the pieces. Then found out, after presumably he searched through the whole box looking for those four little pieces, that each puzzle is custom cut and the pieces didn't fit.

UNIDENTIFIED CROWD: Oh.

SAGAL: He is now waiting for new pieces to arrive. In the meantime, Andrew is back to his day job being your grandma.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Exactly.

SAGAL: Bill, did Luke do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Not quite. He got four right, eight more points, 13. That means Amy is our winner this week.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Amy.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.