Lightning Fill In The Blank

Jan 21, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, it is time to move onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Roy has two, Amy has four and Peter has three.

SAGAL: Oh, wow, that's amazing. So that means, Roy, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week President Obama announced he was commuting the sentence of former army intelligence analyst blank.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Chelsea Manning.

SAGAL: That's exactly right, Chelsea Manning.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Theresa May announced that the U.K. would continue to be a world power even after blank.

BLOUNT: Brexit.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After five weeks of work, sculptors at Madame Tussauds in Washington, D.C., say they finally got wax Donald Trump's blank right.

BLOUNT: His hands.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: His - no, his hair. On Sunday, private space exploration company blank successfully launched and landed a rocket.

BLOUNT: Oh, I don't remember.

SAGAL: Space-X is its name. This week, a new report found that over half the primate species on earth are facing blank.

BLOUNT: Extinction.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: And the city council in Canada denied a new fish and chips restaurant a lease...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Saying that the proposed name, blank, was indecent.

BLOUNT: Oh, me, I always get these.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Dog Doo.

SAGAL: No.

BLOUNT: No.

SAGAL: They said that the name Moby Dicks was indecent.

BLOUNT: Oh, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And no, it's not because they hate house music. Apparently, the city council was unfamiliar with the great work of literature by Herman Melville, otherwise they wouldn't try this literal dick move.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The proprietor of the restaurant is suing, but if that falls through, he's going to have to change the name. Moby Richards would work. But he's just going to avoid the whole thing entirely and call it White Sperm Whales Cafe.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did (laughter) - Bill, how did Roy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Roy got three right, six more points, total of eight. And Roy has the lead.

SAGAL: Hey.

(APPLAUSE)

BLOUNT: A very fragile lead, I'm afraid.

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, here goes, according to my records, this means, Peter, you're up next. Fill in the blank. Many Democrats say they boycotted Friday's inauguration after Donald Trump insulted blank.

PETER GROSZ: John Lewis.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Russia extended the residency permit for NSA whistleblower blank.

GROSZ: Edward Snowden.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Mexico announced that it had extradited drug kingpin blank to the U.S.

GROSZ: El Chapo.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British Coast Guard rescue team responded to a report of someone calling for help instead found blank.

GROSZ: A dolphin.

SAGAL: No, they found two owls doing it.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: And where was that exactly?

SAGAL: That was at...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Citing declining ticket sales and protest by animal rights activists, blank announced they were closing after 146 years.

GROSZ: The circus, the Ringling Brothers circus.

SAGAL: Yeah, the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Gene Cernan, the very last man to blank, passed away at the age of 82.

GROSZ: Walk on the moon.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On a particularly stormy night this week, a New York resident called 911...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...To ask police to blank.

GROSZ: Make it stop raining.

SAGAL: Oh, so close. She called them to ask to see if they could make the wind stop blowing so she could get some sleep.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Oh, that's pretty close.

SAGAL: It is pretty close. Winds at the Niagara Falls reached speeds of 60 miles an hour this week. So dispatchers were prepared to receive calls about damage caused by the storm. What they got instead was someone calling police to ask them to stop the wind from blowing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The woman who took the call, who apparently had a sense of humor, sent out an APB saying, and this is true, quote, "all cars be advised, someone called to see if the police could stop the wind from blowing. If any of you guys can do that, could you let me know?"

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Peter do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Peter's in there. Five right, 10 more points, total of 13 and the lead.

SAGAL: All right, and how...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...How many does Amy need to wreak vengeance upon her enemies?

KURTIS: Five, only five to win.

SAGAL: Here you go. This is for the game, Amy. Fill in the blank. According to a nonpartisan report, 18 million people would lose their insurance if blank were repealed.

AMY DICKINSON: ACA.

SAGAL: Right, Affordable Care Act.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, officials in China warned that the one-China policy regarding blank's legitimacy is non-negotiable.

DICKINSON: Taiwan.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Samsung revealed that an oversized battery was the cause of blanks exploding.

DICKINSON: The Samsung Galaxy, the five...

SAGAL: Yes, the smartphones.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Florida police were able to identify and arrest and intoxicated man despite the fact that when they asked him for ID, he told them blank.

DICKINSON: I am not a man.

SAGAL: No, he said that he did not have a name at this time.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Between names, it happens...

DICKINSON: So polite.

SAGAL: In order to regain ownership of dozens of Beatles songs, blank filed a lawsuit against Sony.

DICKINSON: Apple?

SAGAL: Sir Paul McCartney. This week, video streaming service blank announced that it added 7 million users in the past three months.

DICKINSON: Netflix.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: South Dakota Police responded to reports of a suspicious substance...

(SOUNDNITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Left in a clothing store found that it was blank.

DICKINSON: A suspicious substance - hamster scat.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, it turns out - they thought it was dangerous something, but it turns out it was just Vaseline that someone had been using to help them get into a pair of leather pants.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Ew, Bill.

SAGAL: South Dakota Police hurried to the Empire shopping mall after receiving reports that someone left a mysterious substance in one of the store's dressing rooms. Despite fears that it may be a liquid explosive, officers were soon able to confirm that it was just a tub of Vaseline used by a shopper to help them squeeze back into a pair of leather pants after they tried on clothes.

So it's not as if they tried on the leather pants with Vaseline and said, ah, I don't like the way they look, took off and left the leather pants. Though the shopper was not identified in news reports, they have reportedly apologized for the incident and said that next time they'll just eat a lighter breakfast and bring along the Jaws of Life.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Amy do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Well, she needed five, she got four.

SAGAL: Oh, no.

KURTIS: So she has a total of 12. That means Peter, with 13, is our crowned victor...

SAGAL: Peter Grosz.

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: A perfectly deserving woman lost to an inferior man.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah

GROSZ: How fitting. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.